Today I am going to discuss a great unsolved mystery of the universe. I’m not going to solve it, mind you, but I am going to elaborate on the mysteriousness of this particular mystery.
Is it just me or is anyone else out there completely flabbergasted by flab? Losing weight is an American pastime. We’re collectively obsessed with it. There are gazillions of theories, studies, plans and quick fixes, yet the mystery remains unsolved. The great questions of diet, exercise and weight loss-- I’m not sure there is an answer. Nothing makes sense and definitely nothing works in your favor. It happily works against you, though.
Skeptics will say, “Duh! Eat less calories than you burn.” But I believe the secret is a much more complicated algebraic formula than I can comprehend. Either that or there are evil supernatural powers at work. So I won’t solve it , but here are some dilemmas to ponder.
Consider these mathematical inconsistencies: I gave birth to 12 lbs of baby , hopped off the delivery table and dashed to the nearest scale, hoping for some good news. I lost 10 lbs. My two (very cute, by the way) six pound babies were laying in their bassinets and my body only registered a 10 pound loss.
Another common situation: A woman and her husband go on the same diet. He loses 30 lbs in a month, she loses two. It happens all the time. You see an overweight person nibbling on a salad while their super skinny dining companion scarfs down a cheeseburger, fries and a shake.
Or try to figure out the math on this one. A 250 calorie candy bar causes a 5 lb weight gain overnight. But to lose those 5 lbs-- you are sentenced to at least a month of near starvation. Easy to get on, grueling to get off. Math was never my strong subject, but something here doesn’t add up.
My favorite unsolvable equation is another personal experience. I once spent months diligently entering every thing I ate and every minute of exercise I did into a computer program. It calculated calories burned vs. calories eaten, and displayed a lovely graph with a sloping line showing the weight I should be losing, IN THEORY. However, the REAL weight on the scale did not even budge a pound, even though the computer’s numbers proved that I should have lost 12 lbs. I cannot figure out that one. Maybe wicked gremlins are sneaking into my room at night and stuffing me full of hot fudge sundaes while I’m sleeping.
I am sure I am not the only one with this kind of unexplained phenomenon in my life.
Here’s another mathematical enigma. Fitness magazine math. The promises…do these 10 quick and easy steps and lose pound after pound. Just quit buttering your toast and that will amount to losing 10 lbs a year! Switch to skim milk, another 7 lbs over the course of a year. Dressing on the side, 11 lbs. Hold the soda, another 12.5 lbs. If I follow all their promises, my weight should easily be into negative numbers by the end of the year! Is that theoretically possible?
Exercise is no better. They preach that if you reach a weight loss plateau, you have to blast through it. Your body adapts so change it up, trick your body by doing something different. Your body is used to running 2 miles a day. So run 3 and cut back 100 calories. New plateau. OK, Eat less, work out more. According to this line of math, by the end of our lives, our very adaptable bodies will be eating one leaf of lettuce and running a marathon daily just to maintain our current weight.
Those weight loss success stories you read about mystify me too. I study the before and after pictures in all the weight loss ads because I want to know how they compare, what they are doing differently from me. Well, the first thing they tell is the story of how one day they saw a picture of themselves at their old weight, and they were so DISGUSTED. They couldn’t believe how grossly horribly repulsive they were. And I’m thinking, oh thanks a lot, from all of us who currently weigh your old disgusting weight.
Then, in the after picture, they weigh less than a third grader and now they are all smiles. So what was the magic cure? They all pretty much say the same thing. “Oh, I eat grilled fish and vegetables for dinner, a salad for lunch, and oatmeal with fruit and skim milk for breakfast. I go to the gym 3 times a week and drink lots of water.” Then I just want to scream, oh yeah, well I do all that too, buddy! (except the fish part-tofu for me, I’m a vegetarian) So I already live their newfound healthy lifestyle and yet and the pounds melt off of them, not me. It’s a paranormal experience.
Maybe it’s a food conspiracy theory. Some one’s trying to get everyone fat so the health industry gets rich taking care of our overweight bodies. And make us addicted to food so we’ll keep buying more and make the food industry rich. And we certainly shouldn’t all lose the weight and keep it off cause then what would all the diet authors and weight loss companies do?
Perhaps, more likely, our bodies have a wacky sense of humor. They are determined to stubbornly hang on to every pound just to irritate us. For years, I went to the same step aerobics class at the same gym with the same women. You’d think with all this exhilarating exercise, some of us would start looking all toned and buff. Nope, year after year we all looked pretty much the same. Our bodies said, “Hee hee! Don’t think you can win here--I’m the boss and I say the cellulite stays! “ So I got a personal trainer who kicked my butt and my body just said, “ Whatever. Nice try. Not budging. Jeans still tight.”
I gave up soda, white everything, and fried everything, and my body said, “You may feel healthier but I will never let you become Nicole Richie’s size.” So I tried a juice fast and I could almost hear my body laughing, “Ha! You think that little trick is going to make me let some of this fat go? Think again, sister, it’s gonna take more than a little fasting for me to let you burn any extra padding.” The current score is: My fat, a lot. Me, zero. The pounds are winning.
So where does this leave me? Certainly not in a size 2. I’m just here to ask the big question, how in the heck do you explain all this? Forget Bigfoot and UFOs, we have a much bigger mystery on our hands, one that won’t be solved when Fred and Shaggy unmask the bandit. I’m pretty sure I didn’t progress towards solving anything in the universe today. Wish I could have wrapped the answer up all nicely with a big bow on top and given it to you. If you solve it, please let me know. I’ll be on the treadmill nibbling my carrot sticks.
Showing posts with label appearance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label appearance. Show all posts
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Body Image, published in Jan/Feb 2006 Southeast Magazine
Hey Girls, let’s do some math. Calculate the hours a day you spend agonizing over your appearance. Count all the time spent in front of any mirror, including sideways glances into window reflections and flipping down the visor in the car. Count the hours spent in conversation with girlfriends swapping diet or aging frustration. Don’t forget the time spent studying photos of yourself with disdain. Include the time spent poring over pictures in magazines, comparing your seemingly obvious flaws with the model’s airbrushed perfection. Add up all these hours wasted on worry about our outward appearance, then try to imagine what would happen if every woman channeled all that time and energy into something worthwhile like, say, world peace. Isn’t that what every Miss America contestant truly wants? What an unstoppable force we women would be! We could have the entire Middle East sitting down together for a barbecue by now!
It can’t be healthy to constantly be scrutinizing every aspect of our physical appearance. This stream of self criticism is such a waste of our time. Women have marvelous strengths-- emotion, compassion and our ability to communicate can have such a positive effect on those around us. Women accomplish miracles on a daily basis, caring, teaching, helping…countless lives are touched. Women are reaching out and up, proving that they are valuable and capable of excelling, and they still have a heart while doing it. Ladies, the way your thighs looked in last year’s vacation pictures is meaningless compared to all the good in your life. Yet we beat ourselves up because we think all that matters is on our outsides. Does a smaller dress size make you a better person on the inside?
It is extremely difficult to convince ourselves we have value when we are inundated with the opposite message. The world’s definition of a female having worth can be summed up in one word: Hot. If you’re hot, you have value-- and you have limitless opportunity. Model, sing, act; if you’re hot, talent is secondary. If you have extraordinary talents but do not fit the narrow media definition of “hot,” you seem destined to be invisible, unimportant and invaluable. It wears down the female spirit. We want to be noticed and feel special. It may feel like no one ever acknowledges the contributions we make to society because they’re too busy talking about Paris Hilton for…well…whatever it is she does.
In our constant self scrutiny, we never seem to come out on top, according to the skeletal starlet standard. Here’s a little secret…unless you plan on spending the rest of your life in a geriatric home for the morbidly obese, there will always be some one younger and skinnier than you. It’s a fact. Even the Olsen twins will have to face that cruel reality. Yet the images that surround us make us feel like we aren’t trying hard enough to achieve this impossible goal. It is a discouraging, losing battle.
According to everything we watch and read, it’s all about being sexy. Our beauty-obsessed culture does not allow for times when it’s acceptable NOT to be sexy What’s wrong with being cute? Or how about classy and sophisticated? Or maybe nonconformist? Or just plain old natural, girl next door? We feel pressured to look sexy all the time. Sure, I don’t want to be seen at the grocery store in a fuzzy bathrobe and curlers in my hair, but do I have to look sexy when I go? Can’t I just look fresh and happy and put together? Is that enough? And if I see the one neighborhood desperate housewife who does look sexy at the grocery store, should I drag myself home with my tail between my legs because now I feel like a beast? No, she can do whatever she needs to do. What works for me is my hair done, my make up on, and wearing flattering clothes. Spike heels and cleavage in the cereal aisle just don’t work for me.
No, we shouldn’t all go burn our push up bras. Women should do everything they can to look and feel attractive, stylish, well groomed, healthy, strong, energetic and radiant. We do take great care with our appearance. We work out, color our hair, buy great clothes, and wear sunscreen to prevent those dreaded wrinkles! Becoming older (which is currently happening to everyone) does not mean we abandon our looks, but we are free to cultivate our own style. We become comfortable with who we are and we don’t feel pressured to imitate the trend du jour.
But at some point in our lives, we need to let go of trying to be “hot,” at least the media image of being hot. Let’s say we all did transform into the fashion magazine definition of beauty. Would it really change your life in the way you wanted? If we all had 18 inch blonde hair extensions, and were young, thin, and tan, with smooth symmetrical faces and perfectly round and perky breasts, how would anyone tell us apart? We wouldn’t feel noticed or special then, because there would be no individuality. Along with our wonderful personality traits, let’s embrace our beauty in variety.
Let’s stop comparing ourselves to celebrities and others who make a career out of being hot. We should stop ranking ourselves below all the hot women we see. Let’s unite, not compete. Next time you see some one so gorgeous you want to spit at her, smile to yourself and be happy for her. Then be happy for you. That other person is totally different: different age, different gene pool, different talents and abilities. There is no need to walk away from an encounter with another beautiful woman feeling dejected because you could never look like THAT. You aren’t supposed to look like that! You are supposed to look like you. Keep smiling for who you are.
It will take a lot of internal conversations with yourself to change this mindset. It may be a little pep talk you have to have with yourself every day the rest of your life. But for our mental health, it is important that we stop obsessing that we do not look like some one else we perceive as beautiful. We need to develop the skill of compartmentalizing our appearance worries. If we can learn to dismiss irrational thoughts of comparison and dwell on our internal good and external individuality, we can use our fabulous female abilities to go out and change the world! Create your own terrific appearance with elements that work for you , then forget about all the hot people and go get busy creating world peace, or whatever your destiny may be!
It can’t be healthy to constantly be scrutinizing every aspect of our physical appearance. This stream of self criticism is such a waste of our time. Women have marvelous strengths-- emotion, compassion and our ability to communicate can have such a positive effect on those around us. Women accomplish miracles on a daily basis, caring, teaching, helping…countless lives are touched. Women are reaching out and up, proving that they are valuable and capable of excelling, and they still have a heart while doing it. Ladies, the way your thighs looked in last year’s vacation pictures is meaningless compared to all the good in your life. Yet we beat ourselves up because we think all that matters is on our outsides. Does a smaller dress size make you a better person on the inside?
It is extremely difficult to convince ourselves we have value when we are inundated with the opposite message. The world’s definition of a female having worth can be summed up in one word: Hot. If you’re hot, you have value-- and you have limitless opportunity. Model, sing, act; if you’re hot, talent is secondary. If you have extraordinary talents but do not fit the narrow media definition of “hot,” you seem destined to be invisible, unimportant and invaluable. It wears down the female spirit. We want to be noticed and feel special. It may feel like no one ever acknowledges the contributions we make to society because they’re too busy talking about Paris Hilton for…well…whatever it is she does.
In our constant self scrutiny, we never seem to come out on top, according to the skeletal starlet standard. Here’s a little secret…unless you plan on spending the rest of your life in a geriatric home for the morbidly obese, there will always be some one younger and skinnier than you. It’s a fact. Even the Olsen twins will have to face that cruel reality. Yet the images that surround us make us feel like we aren’t trying hard enough to achieve this impossible goal. It is a discouraging, losing battle.
According to everything we watch and read, it’s all about being sexy. Our beauty-obsessed culture does not allow for times when it’s acceptable NOT to be sexy What’s wrong with being cute? Or how about classy and sophisticated? Or maybe nonconformist? Or just plain old natural, girl next door? We feel pressured to look sexy all the time. Sure, I don’t want to be seen at the grocery store in a fuzzy bathrobe and curlers in my hair, but do I have to look sexy when I go? Can’t I just look fresh and happy and put together? Is that enough? And if I see the one neighborhood desperate housewife who does look sexy at the grocery store, should I drag myself home with my tail between my legs because now I feel like a beast? No, she can do whatever she needs to do. What works for me is my hair done, my make up on, and wearing flattering clothes. Spike heels and cleavage in the cereal aisle just don’t work for me.
No, we shouldn’t all go burn our push up bras. Women should do everything they can to look and feel attractive, stylish, well groomed, healthy, strong, energetic and radiant. We do take great care with our appearance. We work out, color our hair, buy great clothes, and wear sunscreen to prevent those dreaded wrinkles! Becoming older (which is currently happening to everyone) does not mean we abandon our looks, but we are free to cultivate our own style. We become comfortable with who we are and we don’t feel pressured to imitate the trend du jour.
But at some point in our lives, we need to let go of trying to be “hot,” at least the media image of being hot. Let’s say we all did transform into the fashion magazine definition of beauty. Would it really change your life in the way you wanted? If we all had 18 inch blonde hair extensions, and were young, thin, and tan, with smooth symmetrical faces and perfectly round and perky breasts, how would anyone tell us apart? We wouldn’t feel noticed or special then, because there would be no individuality. Along with our wonderful personality traits, let’s embrace our beauty in variety.
Let’s stop comparing ourselves to celebrities and others who make a career out of being hot. We should stop ranking ourselves below all the hot women we see. Let’s unite, not compete. Next time you see some one so gorgeous you want to spit at her, smile to yourself and be happy for her. Then be happy for you. That other person is totally different: different age, different gene pool, different talents and abilities. There is no need to walk away from an encounter with another beautiful woman feeling dejected because you could never look like THAT. You aren’t supposed to look like that! You are supposed to look like you. Keep smiling for who you are.
It will take a lot of internal conversations with yourself to change this mindset. It may be a little pep talk you have to have with yourself every day the rest of your life. But for our mental health, it is important that we stop obsessing that we do not look like some one else we perceive as beautiful. We need to develop the skill of compartmentalizing our appearance worries. If we can learn to dismiss irrational thoughts of comparison and dwell on our internal good and external individuality, we can use our fabulous female abilities to go out and change the world! Create your own terrific appearance with elements that work for you , then forget about all the hot people and go get busy creating world peace, or whatever your destiny may be!
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