I have discovered a new type of vacation, one that might suit “extreme” enthusiasts. It is not for the faint of heart, so please, do not attempt until you have a complete physical examination by your doctor. Then perhaps you will be strong enough to tackle the ultimate in travel adventure---taking your teenagers on a family trip.
When the kids were younger, it was simple. “Kids, we’re leaving tomorrow morning to drive to Grandma’s. Pack your gameboy.” And they did. But now that we have a daughter in high school and two sons in junior high, they suddenly seem to think they have a choice in the matter. The immediate response is always, “But I don’t want to go. Can’t I stay here?”
There seems to be three stages of denial. First, the arguments, “It’s boring, there’s no one my age, I hate sitting in the car that long, and I’m going to become a hopeless social outcast if I am separated from my friends for more than 12 hours.” My kids will even go out and apply for a job so they can claim they have to stay home and work.
Next, they start trying to convince you that really, they could stay home alone. “We’ll be extra good and not have any friends. We just need money to order pizza.“ Unfortunately for my offspring, my husband and I were not born yesterday.
Finally, the ultimatums start. “You can’t make me go. I’ll stay at my friend‘s house.” Then, eventually, they progress to “You will live to regret the day you forced me to go on this stupid trip! If I have to go against my will, I will spend the entire trip making sure you and everyone else in the family is completely miserable.”
And they keep that vow. I miss the old days when they sweetly thought standing on Four Corners was the ultimate thrill. Now that they are teenagers, we could tell them we were hopping on the space shuttle and they would roll their eyes and say, “How lame. All our friends go on cool vacations. Why don’t we ever do anything good?”
In all fairness, I am getting major payback for everything I did to my parents. I am a recipient of the parent curse…“Someday when you grow up and have kids of your own, I hope they act just like you.” I remember trying all sorts of methods to get out of vacations with my family. My mom’s trump card was the dead grandma guilt card. “Your Grandmother isn’t getting any younger and this might be the last time you see her.” Granny didn‘t pass away until I was 30.
However, in a bold move, I decide to test the curse. We plan a trip to a cozy mountain cabin for a long weekend. Sure enough, my teens turn evil on me. After the standard arguments, in a very passive aggressive move, the boys do not pack any socks or underwear. Their strategy must have been to smell so badly that we would gladly abandon them at a gas station. A trip to Wal-Mart remedies that situation.
Despite their alleged maturity in their desire to stay home alone, the adolescents regress back to age 4 when it comes to seating arrangements in the car. Every departure is marred by knock-down-drag-out fights over who gets which seat. Not only that, but somehow they still manage to fight over DVDs, headphones, and who will share their ipod because some one didn’t charge theirs the night before! I thought all the media would be a great improvement over my cassette and walkman days in the back of the station wagon, but my children are world record holders at turning any tiny thing into an epic battle.
Deciding where to stop for lunch is an even bigger disaster. It used to be dad would pull off the highway and we would get to choose a hamburger or a cheeseburger. Now it’s,” I’m in the mood for Chinese. No, that doesn’t sound good at all. How about Mexican? But I’m craving fries. No, I want pizza!” Often, we have to find a corner that has 3 different fast food places within walking distance and send them all their own separate ways.
So we get to our cozy mountain retreat and each kid immediately stakes out his or her territory. “ My room, my couch, my time for the bathroom. “ They still almost come to blows over what to watch on TV. They fight over the computer. They declare the other siblings impossibly annoying and lay around with lots of heavy sighs.
I optimistically suggest an old fashioned board game. My archaic request only brings on groans and rolled eyes. I decide to ignore them, but get out the game and begin setting it up. I recruit Dad and our not-yet-hormonal 8 year old daughter to join me. As we begin laughing and having fun, I soon notice the teens hanging back, looking over our shoulders, watching what we are doing. One finally breaks down and asks, “Can I play when you start the next round?”
I hesitate just a moment for dramatic effect…. “Welllll, I guess we can let you in.” I add with faux reluctance , “As long as we’re going to have to deal the cards out again, does anyone else want to join?” Sure enough, they all do. We play the game, and they want to play again! We end up giggling and joking together, having a great time and learning things about each other we never knew. My son harbors a secret desire to play the bagpipes? My daughter thinks I’M the moody one? Who knew ?
The best mom moment is hearing my kids be nice to each other . They act like they actually enjoy the family. My teenagers are laughing at jokes and encouraging each other in the game!
Their guard is down and now they can enjoy the trip. Their tough facade is cracked. They talk to us about kids they know, politics, movies. My daughter and I bond over a rented chick flick. The boys, a pay per view fight. For a few days, we all like each other without reservation. My teenagers are animated instead of sulking and stewing. They drop their carefully crafted “cool” image, and act like themselves,--the way they used to be when they were sweet and little. They play together.
When they’re my age, I hope they sit around with each other and swap stories about those crazy family trips, just like I do with my brothers now. Our favorite story is the time the station wagon got stuck in the snow when we had to pull over because brother #2 couldn’t hold it until the next facilities!
Money can’t buy memories like that. We had to drag our teenagers away from their friends and their sophisticated image to re-discover their original personalities --before hormones turned them into these alien creatures. So it took a little verbal coercion and reverse psychology. It was worth it. I hope their favorite story will be the time we played games at the cabin and the winning game question was, “Which person at the table is most likely to wind up in a prison uniform?” It was unanimous--brother#2. Family traditions for the next generation!
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